Assuming the stars could hear and all your questions would be answered, what would they be?
“Ah, I would ask just one which is, When is the most appropriate time for one to venture into a healthy romantic relationship?
Yes, that’s a mind bugging question that has been stifled for long now but it keeps popping up.
Here’s the thing, every human being would at some point in their lives seek answers to this question, age regardless.
We all have this burning desire to love and to be loved but periodically, our life experiences may get in the way and leave us confused on which step to take and when to take it.
In case you had been wanting to get answers to this question, thirst no more for the answers because I have put together some captivating points that would quench your thirst and give you adequate knowledge of what you are about to get into.
The term “Readiness” is often associated with time. Like when is the perfect timing?
Readiness is not just about age(No) it is internal. It is not just about how mature you look but how matured you are.
It is not just about how available someone is to you, it’s about the qualities you have embedded in you that could help you keep them until the day after forever.
This is why every one of us must be Physically, Emotionally, psychologically, and intellectually ready for a relationship before we start to build one.
In the light of this, I would like to take you through the journey or stages of preparation before a relationship.
But before I proceed, here’s a sneak peek into what you should expect in this article.
Now, let’s get in…
Am I ready for a relationship?
To start with, how ready you’re for a relationship is a major determinant of how far the relationship will go. According to research carried out in 2019, a relationship is 25% less likely to end if the people are ready for it.
As researcher Chris Agnew explains, “Feeling ready leads to better relational outcomes and well-being. When a person feels more ready, this tends to amplify the effect of psychological commitment on relationship maintenance and stability.”
Of course, deciding if you’re finally emotionally ready to start dating is never easy — no one wants to get their heart broken again, and love is risky.
Even if you’re feeling more secure in yourself and you feel like you’ve thoroughly moved on from your last relationship, it can be scary jumping into a new relationship.
How to Know When You are Ready for a Relationship
I am going to explain how someone can be both physically, emotionally and psychologically prepared for a relationship, in the next paragraph.
Follow me closely and do not be weary. Trust me, it is worth every effort you put in to gain clarity on this topic.
Enjoy the read!
- Physical Preparation
- Emotional Preparation
What does it mean for one to be physically fit to be in a relationship?
A few years ago, I sat down to think about my life and I found out something so unique and amazing.
Here is what I figured out;
I realized that I had been attracting a specific kind of men to myself, then I asked why.
Why should it be older men even when I was much younger?
Here is the answer:
The knowledge I had about life in general then, made my age to be just a number as at the time. I’m sure it must have made those men feel they don’t have much to do once they are with me.
Like, they don’t have to sacrifice much for my growth and for me to gain knowledge. They believed I was the perfect example of an ideal woman for everyone.
Plus, I was overly decent, guarded and reserved for someone at my age then. I could pass for a “good girl” then you know.
Okay, back to the main issue.
I never attracted guys within my age range or a bit older because they may had thought that I was too primitive for them.
Yeah, they were right anyway.
That was the stage they were at the time. They were too young to think outside the box. Maybe they had a focus and they were chasing after it seriously, that goal was to explore life and savor its nutrient.
They probably didn’t want someone that would hinder them and draw them back, yeah.
They had their minds set on a particular goal which could be:
To concentrate on their studies and attain a certain feat academically.
To some, it was to roll with the hottest girl around that would make heads bow on seeing her, while some were just living in the moment. Nothing about the future bothered them because it wasn’t their responsibility to worry about life and its problems, including theirs.
Now, you know why you attract the kind of people you attract whether it is for the purpose of mere friendship or something more intense, that’s what it is.
Before you start thinking about having a romantic partner, you must be physically ready. Look out for someone who you share the same value with.
For example, if you want a footballer boyfriend/girlfriend you should be a football lover too. Understand that you don’t go hunting for a footballer in a market place where there are mostly traders (No) you must be in the field or somewhere around the field.
Understand what you want and prepare yourself for it. Be physically prepared for the kind of person, you want in your life.
Physical appearance and composure matter because we do not search through the hearts of men from a distance, it’s by physical attraction first.
So, you have to be prepared as much as the person your soul yarns for.
#2. Emotional preparation
We often feel pressured to date when single. We feel odd when we are not in a relationship and everyone else is.
Yes, it’s a horrible feeling I must say, but the truth is;
So many people who jump in and out of a relationship are mostly broken. They are emotionally unavailable.
They just got into a relationship because of peer pressure, fear of being labelled a loner, love for sex and the desire to have someone in their space.
To be candid here, an emotionally unavailable person could make one, experience hell while on earth.
These people are usually numb, they can’t feel their own pain not to make mention of feeling someone else’s pain.
They are mostly self-centered, the only time you matter to them is just when you are serving the purpose for which they came to you for.
Yes, that’s how bad it is.
The worst part is that they are not conscious of their emotional immaturity, they live life like everyone else.
Let’s go into emotional preparation a bit deeper!
What is Emotional Intelligence?
Emotional intelligence or EI is the ability to understand and manage your own emotions, and those of the people around you.
People with a high degree of emotional intelligence know what they’re feeling, what their emotions mean, and how these emotions can affect other people.
So, it is important to identify understand and learn how to manage your own emotion and those around you. It shows you are emotionally matured to deal with an extra soul (partner)
How to Know that you are Emotionally Fit for a Relationship
Emotion is one thing that can destroy anyone if not properly managed or controlled. So your ability to control your emotions is a key factor that shows whether you are fit for a relationship or not.
Now, you know that you’re emotionally fit for a relationship, you must:
- You don’t get easily irritated
- Be ready to let your guard down and accept love without the many “What If(s)”
- Have gained clarity about life and your mission here.
- Be ready to shield another soul without feeling like you’re doing a lot already
- You no longer have a phobia for the next phase of your life.
Daniel Goleman, an American psychologist who helped to popularize emotional intelligence, stated the five key elements to it:
- Social skills
Emotional intelligence is the strongest and most important form of preparation in a romantic relationship.
When it’s lacking in a relationship it is usually obvious because the partner involved would find it difficult to survive around each other.
Quickly, let’s discuss the five key elements of Emotional intelligence.
When you’re self-aware, you always know how you feel, and you know how your emotions and your actions can affect the people around you. Being self-aware before building a relationship means having a clear picture of your strength and weaknesses.
Self awareness is strength on its own. When you know who you are and the area you are not your best self, you tend to stop expecting too much from people.
No one can fix you without your consent. Your partner is not a rehabilitation vessel, identify your flaws and fix them.
Massage your ego when necessary and expect people to treat you way better than you deserve.
Self-regulation is very important. It is just having control over certain things about you. Like, the way you speak to people, having full control over the way people make you feel etc.
People who regulate themselves effectively rarely verbally attack others, make rushed or emotional decisions, stereotype people, or compromise their values. Self-regulation is all about staying in control.
Self-motivated people work consistently toward their goals. They don’t need anyone to be there with them before they could achieve their aim in life. It is called absolute self-dependency.
Although you need people in your life to assist you at some point In life(no doubt) you should understand that the race to the top requires focus. Keep raising your standard.
People with empathy have the ability to put themselves in someone else’s situation. They help develop other people, they are selfless.
If you want to earn the respect and loyalty of your partner then show them you care by being empathic.
It takes nothing away from you, it’s just your own way of showing the level of your emotional readiness.
In other words, it is called responsibility.
People who do well in the social skills element of emotional intelligence are great communicators.
They’re just as open to hearing bad news as good news, they face and fix their problems. People like this are experts in managing change and resolving conflicts diplomatically.
They praise and appreciate every human being in their life.
So when you get to this point, you are 90% ready to be in a relationship.
A healthy relationship takes work. But it’s absolutely worthwhile. Not only does it steer you in the right direction for a fulfilling relationship, it also helps you get to know yourself.
To know your inner strength and weaknesses and protect it yourself from getting hurt.
Do not allow one bad encounter about something to change our perspective about life.
Be open-minded. Don’t allow people to be the custodian of your happiness no matter how much they mean to you.
However, when you are ready for a relationship you will know. You will begin to take delight in some of the things that never meant much to you. You will begin to feel crazy about being in love again.
But if you are skeptical about the signs you’ve been getting I would need a confirmation that they are right or healthy, I’m always here to help you.
Below are some signs that you’re most likely prepared for a first or next relationship
Signs that You are Ready for a Relationship
- You understand the importance of communication
- You’re not looking for someone to complete you
- When you are ready to integrate your life with someone else
- You’ve mastered self-love and acceptance
- When you stopped questioning everything
- When you meet someone great and didn’t push them away
- You’ve gotten over your ex completely
- When you understand the importance of communication
- When your rigorous checklist no longer exists
- You’ve learned how to compromise
- When you won’t settle for conditional love
- When you have empathy
- You are willing to take a risk
- When you become confident
- When you are not scared of vulnerability.
It is dangerous to use relationship to distract yourself from your problem. It is much better to face and fix it.
You can’t be a strong support system to another when you are broken.
So, if you must date it should be when you are ready to make these sacrifices and reciprocate at the same level, the love, and energy you desire from people.
How to Know I’m fit for High School Dating
You are never fit for dating while in high school.
It’s not because you are too young or too matured. It is because life is in phases and you must walk through each phase gently, you can’t jump and have the same results.
Why are you in high school? What’s your aim of being there?
These are the questions you should ask yourself and provide genuine answers to them.
You are there to fulfil a purpose and it requires adequate preparation and concentration for that purpose to be achieved.
The problem with youngsters in high school is that their intelligence has been hijacked by their hormones. They read meaning into every relationship and gives it a different energy.
They are so curious about experiencing everything that goes on in their minds and body, they crave to have an experiential knowledge of it without thinking about its effect on their future.
Having a very close friend of the opposite sex while in high school doesn’t necessarily mean you have to get physical with them. Purify your mind at this stage and stop giving too much significance to body-based relationships.
Don’t be in a rush to leave a particular stage of your life for another, it’s unhealthy.
Create a balance and channel your energy into being your best self.
Having said that, I will go ahead to drop some signs that you will most likely be ready for high school relationship
Signs that you are Ready for High School Relationship
- When you can give a cognitive reason as to why you want to be emotionally attached to someone else.
- You are ready to make both healthy and unhealthy sacrifices for your lover and own up to its consequences or blessings.
- When you can give a satisfactory definition of the word “dating”
- When you can shoulder responsibilities without your parents or older siblings in the picture.
Whatever you decide to do, always have in mind that you have a goal which needs to be achieved.
Live, love and be fair to yourself and your loved ones at all times.
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