One of the major reasons for the high rate of breakups, divorce, and frustration in relationships is because of the partner’s inability to consider their intellectual compatibility in relationships. Whether its physical, emotional, mental and most especially intellectual compatibility, they are all vital. Although Intellectual relationships tend to last longer.
Sometimes, people focused more on other aspects of compatibility loke emotional and physical abilities, but when it comes to intellectual compatibility, they will say…
It Doesn’t Really MATTER…..
But the honest truth is that……. It does matter
Considering Intellectual Compatibility in a relationship is very vital and its importance cannot be overemphasized.
Now, you may be wondering, How do I know if I and my partner are intellectually compatible? What are my chances of making it right if peradventure we are not? You don’t need to be lost in your think because I got the answers right here for you.
But before we dive into it properly, I think a clear understanding of what
intellectual connection in relationship is all about including why it’s important will be of great benefit to you.
See an overview of what to expect
- What is Intellectual Compatibility in Relationships?
- How important is intellectual compatibility in a relationship?
- Sign that you don’t have an Intellectual Compatibility Relationship
- #1. When you are dying of Boredom
- #2. No Serious or long Conversation
- #3. Always self-centered in their conversation
- #4. See Your Differences As A Weakness
- #5. Not energized Talking to your partner
- #6. Your Relationship Is More Focused On The Physical Aspect
- #7. No Confidence
- #8. There is a Competition Among you both
- What is the way forward?
So, sit right there, you can grab a coffee if possible let’s roll…
What is Intellectual Compatibility in Relationships?
“Intellectual compatibility can mean when two people, mustn’t necessarily be lovers are mentally stimulated by the same conversations. Intelligent Quotient (IQ) level of the partner must not really be at the same level before to be happy with each other or you can say that they are compatible.
In a nutshell, It simply means that you both have the capacity to indulge in deep conversations that become mutually interesting for the two of you.
The very fact that two people want to come together, means that they are looking for ways to complement their individual selves, and not searching for a clone of their own selves.
How important is intellectual compatibility in a relationship?
In building relationships to its highest peak, Intellectual compatibility is very important and paramount because it will help you understand each other better and also give you a clearer understanding of how compatible you are on other aspects of your relationship.
Now, this is one of the reasons two people can have the best sex ever today and break up tomorrow. That is to say, When you and your partner are sexually compatible but have a zero intellectual, the possibility or chance of having a lasting relationship is like that of a carmel trying to pass through the eye of a needle.
In addition to that, in an intellectually incompatible relationship, there is a greater chance of partners seeking out other people to share their interests with. A more cerebral partner, for instance, may begin spending more time with a college mate or co-worker, if he or she finds more satisfaction in such intellectual exchanges.
This may eventually lead to an emotional affair and the beginning of the end of the main relationship. These are some of the dangers of an intellectually incompatible relationship, but whether it can survive or not depends upon how the partners relate to each other and the outside world.
In other words, it’s really hard to make a relationship last if you and your partner have nothing to talk about.
The Big one…
Sign that you don’t have an Intellectual Compatibility Relationship
According to experts, So here are some signs that you and your partner may not be as intellectually compatible
#1. When you are dying of Boredom
Feeling of boredom in a relationship is a sign that you and your partner need to work on your intellectual abilities. According to Rosalind Sedacca, CLC, Intellectual compatibility is crucial for a long, rewarding relationship, dating, and relationship coach. One major sign that this is a problem area in your relationship is boredom.
“When you feel bored with what your partner says and topics they choose to talk about, this is usually a sign of intellectual incompatibility,” she says.
More often than not, boredom in your relationship is pretty easy to spot. According to Sedacca, bored partners will find themselves calling friends, family, and other people more often in order to get the stimulation they’re lacking in their relationship.
If you know there’s an intellectual difference in your relationship, always remember that you can’t force your partner to change who they are. You can, however, find other factors that strengthen your relationship. “Look for other mutual interests you both can share,” Sedacca says.
“Physical activity, sports, music, cooking together and other facets of life that you enjoy together can create a bond that cements the relationship and gives you something of value to share.”
#2. No Serious or long Conversation
If for a reason you don’,t want to cause any disagreement in your relationship or you cant discuss any serious thing with your partner then something is wrong. You are not intellectually compatible.
According to a Health Expert for Maple Holistics, If your conversations have never gone past the ‘small talk’ or superficial topics, this could indicate that you are still not comfortable with each other.
Although having a deep and meaningful conversation comes with time, with someone you have been with for a very long time. You can say there is intellectual compatibility in your relationship when you feel comfortable and secure sharing your deep thoughts and topics with your partner.
#3. Always self-centered in their conversation
Another sign that you don’t have an Intellectual Compatibility Relationship is when you notice that your partner talks more about himself or herself in your discussion especially when you are telling him about something important about yourself, it can be a problem or just expression of feelings.
You know, it can be frustrating at times. For example, you call your partner during work hours to tell him about a problem that just popped up at the office and need a way to handle it because it concerns you. He just replies by telling you he is sorry but you need to pray for him to close a contract in the next 2 months.
Note this, People who are not intellectually compatible but want to try to make the relationship work will attempt to stimulate conversation by talking about themselves in relation, or as close to relation, to the topic at hand,
Therefore you have noticed this in your relationship and you really want to make it right, you have to let them know that listening without interjecting is sometimes all you need to feel heard.
#4. See Your Differences As A Weakness
Differences will always occur in the relationship and that it occurs doesn’t mean that you are not compatible intellectually, but when you turn these differences into weakness instead of strengths then something is wrong. You must allow your difference to lead to arguments and resentment.
In relationships, you need to see your differences as a strength because you can easily overcome you partner’s difference when you embrace and welcome it.
Therefore, embrace your partner’s differences, think of it as a way to grow as a person. “It’s important to be able to learn from other people, especially your partner, and to be able to have intelligent conversations about the things that you both care about in the world.
Further, you are intellectually compatible with your relationship, if you both understand the world at the same level and can discuss it together in a similar way.
Everyone has different needs and priorities in a relationship. The most important thing is to listen to your gut. If you’re both happy with your relationship, then that’s all that matters.
#5. Not energized Talking to your partner
Not feeling energized after Talking to your partner can also be a sign that you are not compatible intellectually.
Just think about your close friends — there’s something so unbelievably satisfying about sparring with your besties who just get it. Even though you might not have the same opinion on everything, you find their ideas fascinating and they feel the same way. If you’re starting to worry that you and your partner are far from having intellectual chemistry, then this could actually be totally OK, as long as you’re not bothered by it.
“It’s possible to sustain a relationship with someone who’s not your ‘mental match,'” says Winter. “Not all partners are intellectual equals. This is where we need to decide which qualities we most value in a mate. It’s the overall blending of those qualities that determine our happiness and partnership sustainability.”
#6. Your Relationship Is More Focused On The Physical Aspect
When your partner feel more excited While it is perfectly OK for a relationship to be purely physical, take note if you or your partner is trying to connect on a more emotional level, but instead, things get diverted to the physical.
For example, if your partner tries to entice you with sex when you want to have a deep conversation, relationship coach and expert Rather than having conversation, they seem to be more excited about physical touching, flirtation, and foreplay,” she says.
According to her, this happens because they may not know how to be engaging with you on an intellectual level, so they’ll rely on their strengths instead. If this is the case, ask them upfront about what they are looking for from the relationship to see if you are on the same page.
#7. No Confidence
Among the signs that you may not be intellectually compatible in relationships is when you notice that you don’t feel an atom of confidence around your partner. You easily feel jealous and nervous around them.
You tend to play by their own rules and say “YES” to everything they say even when you are not comfortable with it. This is always as a result of a partner always trying to put the other down, be the only one talking or that have the final say.
When you’re intellectually compatible, you’ll have similar levels of vocabulary, knowledge on certain subjects you can converse about without getting ‘bored’ per se.
#8. There is a Competition Among you both
When you feel like you are competing with your partner that there is every chance that you are not intellectual compatible in your relationship. Seeing your partner more as an opponent or thinking you have all it takes to challenge him or her means something is not just right.
Although competition in relationships can be fun sometimes because you get to flirt with each other, it’s not something that should occur often.
I tell you, You tend to build a lasting relationship when there is no competition because competition cripples a healthy relationship.
What is the way forward?
I will tell you!
Now, in the suitation were you believe that your relationship is the best thing that has ever happen to you and you cant just let go, According to futurescopes.com here are few ways you can profound solution to the incompatible intellectual relationship.
Don’t Pressurize your Partner
Remember, that if you pressurize your partner to follow your intellectual pursuits, it may only make him or her balk at your efforts and may even offend his or her sense of self-respect.
Instead, make options available to your partner and leave it up to him or her to choose. For instance, leave CDs of Mozart, Brahms and Beethoven lying around and when your partner is bored of rock and grunge, maybe he will try out your music.
Or let your partner know that you have discovered a great writer of love stories and show her some Jane Austen classics. If nothing else, it will intrigue her to know what kind of love stories they are.
Encourage your partner for self-growth
Take your partner to operas, museums, and art galleries, for wider exposure. Often, it is easier to learn something new through an audio-visual medium, rather than through lectures and seminars.
Whatever outing you plan, just make it sure to make it interesting. While driving to the venue, you could also give your partner a brief introduction to the play or the paintings you are about to watch.
Enlarge your circle
Look among your former college mates, club mates and co-workers, for more chances of intellectual conversation. Meet up with them regularly, or join hobby societies like book clubs.
This way you will have enough opportunities for following your interests, without dragging your partner into it. It is enough that your partner is your lover and companion and that you both have a good time when you are together.
Finally, there are no absolute rules when it comes to intellectual compatibility in a relationship. Your feelings are your best guide. If you perpetually find something missing in your personal life and yearn for different companies, consider expanding your social circle.
But if you feel happy and fulfilled around your partner, despite having different personalities, remember nothing else matters.
A good intellectual relationship is a secret to a successful relationship. If you can find an acceptable physical mate – your key barometer for determining whether it’s good long-term is your intellectual compatibility.
And not just “do you like watching the same shows” type shit. It’s what happens in-between that is more important. How you talk about simple things. How you respect each other’s strengths. And most importantly – you really have to be interested in each other’s hobbies or mental outlook.
You gotta find someone who is truly very close to your wavelength for at least 75% of the things you think about. Not identical – but compatible enough for a life-long relationship.