One of the primary reasons for the high rate of breakups, divorce, and frustration in relationships is the partner’s inability to consider their intellectual compatibility in relationships.
They are all vital, whether physical, emotional, mental, or, most significantly, intellectual compatibility. However, Intellectual relationships tend to last longer.
Sometimes, people focus more on other aspects of compatibility, like emotional and physical abilities, but when it comes to intellectual compatibility, they will say…
It Doesn’t MATTER…..
But the truth is that……. It does matter
Considering Intellectual Compatibility in a relationship is vital and cannot be overemphasized.
Now, you may wonder, How do I know if my partner and I are intellectually compatible? What are my chances of making it suitable if peradventure we are not? You don’t need to be lost in your thoughts because I got the answers right here.
But before we dive into it properly, I think a clear understanding of what
intellectual connection in a relationship is all about, including why it’s important, will significantly benefit you.
See an overview of what to expect
So, sit right there; you can grab a coffee if possible; let’s roll…
What is Intellectual Compatibility in Relationships?
“Intellectual compatibility can mean when two people, mustn’t necessarily be lovers, are mentally stimulated by the same conversations. The partner’s Intelligent Quotient (IQ) level must not be at the same level before to be happy with each other, or you can say that they are compatible.
In a nutshell, It simply means that you can both indulge in deep conversations that become mutually interesting.
The fact that two people want to come together, means that they are looking for ways to complement their selves and not searching for a clone of their selves.
How Vital is Intellectual Compatibility in a Relationship?
In building relationships to their highest peak, Intellectual compatibility is paramount because it will help you understand each other better and better understand how compatible you are with other aspects of your relationship.
Now, this is one of the reasons two people can have the best sex ever today and break up tomorrow. That is to say, When you and your partner are sexually compatible but have zero intellectual, the possibility or chance of having a lasting relationship is like that of a camel trying to pass through the eye of a needle.
In an intellectually incompatible relationship, partners are likelier to seek out other people to share their interests. A more cerebral partner, for instance, may begin spending more time with a college mate or co-worker if he or she finds more satisfaction in such intellectual exchanges.
This may eventually lead to an emotional affair and the beginning of the end of the primary relationship. These are some of the dangers of an intellectually incompatible relationship, but whether it can survive depends on how the partners relate to each other and the outside world.
In other words, it’s hard to make a relationship last if you and your partner have nothing to discuss.
The Big one…
Sign You don’t have an Intellectual Compatibility Relationship
According to experts, So here are some signs that you and your partner may not be as intellectually compatible
#1. When you are dying of Boredom
The feeling of boredom in a relationship is a sign that you and your partner need to work on your intellectual abilities.
According to Rosalind Sedacca, CLC, Intellectual compatibility is crucial for a long, rewarding relationship, dating, and relationship coach. One significant sign that this is a problem area in your relationship is boredom.
“When you feel bored with what your partner says and topics they choose to discuss, this is usually a sign of intellectual incompatibility in relationships,” she says.
More often than not, boredom in your relationship is pretty easy to spot. According to Sedacca, bored partners will find themselves calling friends, family, and other people more often to get the stimulation they lack in their relationship.
If you know an intellectual difference in your relationship, remember that you can’t force your partner to change who they are. You can, however, find other factors that strengthen your relationship. “Look for other mutual interests you can share,” Sedacca says.
“Physical activity, sports, music, cooking together and other facets of life that you enjoy together can create a bond that cements the relationship and gives you something of value to share.”
Making an effort to find other mutual interests – sports, travel, food, for example, can improve your connection and give you something of real value to share.
It can also lessen any sense of boredom caused by your intellectual mismatching.
#2. No Serious or long Conversation
If, for a reason, you don’t want to cause any disagreement in your relationship or you can’t discuss any serious thing with your partner, then something is wrong. You are not intellectually compatible.
According to a Health Expert for Maple Holistics, If your conversations have never gone past the ‘small talk’ or superficial topics, this could indicate that you are still not comfortable with each other.
Although having a deep and meaningful conversation comes with time, with someone you have been with for a long time.
You can say your relationship has intellectual compatibility when you feel comfortable and secure sharing your deep thoughts and topics with your partner.
#3. Always self-centered in their conversation
Another sign that you don’t have an Intellectual Compatibility Relationship is when you notice that your partner talks more about himself or herself in your discussion, especially when you tell him about something important about yourself; it can be a problem or just an expression of feelings.
You know, it can be frustrating at times. For example, you call your partner during work hours to tell him about a problem that just popped up at the office, and you need a way to handle it because it concerns you. He replies that he is sorry, but you must pray for him to close a contract in the next 2 months.
Note this, People who are not intellectually compatible but want to try to make the relationship work will attempt to stimulate conversation by talking about themselves in relation, or as close to regard, to the topic at hand,
Therefore you have noticed this in your relationship and want to make it right; you have to let them know that listening without interjecting is sometimes all you need to feel heard.
#4. See Your Differences As A Weakness
Differences will always occur in the relationship, and that it occurs doesn’t mean that you are not compatible intellectually. Still, when you turn these differences into weaknesses instead of strengths, then something is wrong. You must allow your difference to lead to arguments and resentment.
In relationships, you need to see your differences as a strength because you can easily overcome your partner’s differences when you embrace and welcome them.
Therefore, embrace your partner’s differences, and think of them as a way to grow. “It’s essential to learn from other people, especially your partner, and to have intelligent conversations about what you both care about in the world.
Further, you are intellectually compatible with your relationship if you both understand the world at the same level and can discuss it together similarly.
Everyone has different needs and priorities in a relationship. The most important thing is to listen to your gut. If you’re both happy with your relationship, that’s all that matters.
#5. Not energized Talking to your partner
Not feeling energized after Talking to your partner can also be a sign that you are not compatible intellectually.
Just think about your close friends — there’s something so unbelievably satisfying about sparring with your besties who get it. Even though you might not have the same opinion on everything, you find their ideas fascinating, and they feel the same way.
If you’re starting to worry that you and your partner are far from having intellectual chemistry, then this could be OK, as long as you’re not bothered by it.
“It’s possible to sustain a relationship with someone who’s not your ‘mental match,'” says Winter. “Not all partners are intellectual equals.
We need to decide which qualities we most value in a mate. It’s the overall blending of those qualities that determine our happiness and partnership sustainability.”
#6. Your Relationship Is More Focused On The Physical Aspect
When your partner feels more excited, While it is perfectly OK for a relationship to be purely physical, take note if you or your partner is trying to connect more emotionally. Still, instead, things get diverted to the physical.For example, if your partner tries to entice you with sex when you want to have a deep conversation, a relationship coach and expert Rather than having a
conversation, they seem to be more excited about physical touching, flirtation, and foreplay,” she says.According to her, this happens because they may not know how to engage with you on an intellectual level, so they’ll rely on their strengths instead. If this is the case, ask them upfront about what they are looking for from the relationship to see if you are on the same page.
Interestingly, you can also check out article on What exactly is Parent-Child Relationship | Why it’s Important.
#7. No Confidence
Among the signs that you may not be intellectually compatible in relationships is when you notice that you don’t feel an atom of confidence around your partner. You quickly feel jealous and nervous around them.
You tend to play by their own rules and say “YES” to everything they say, even when uncomfortable. This is always a result of a partner trying to put the other down, be the only one talking or have the final say.
When you’re intellectually compatible, you’ll have similar levels of vocabulary and knowledge on certain subjects you can converse about without getting ‘bored’ per see.
#8. There is Competition Among you both
When you feel like competing with your partner, there is every chance you are not intellectually compatible in relationship.
Seeing your partner more as an opponent or thinking you have all it takes to challenge him or she means something is not right.
Although competition in relationships can be fun sometimes because you get to flirt with each other, it should not occur often.
I tell you, You tend to build a lasting relationship when there is no competition because competition cripples a healthy relationship.
What is the way forward?
I will tell you!
Now, in the suitation were you believe your relationship is the best thing that has ever happen to you and you cant just let go, According to futurescopes.com here are few ways you can profound solution to the incompatible intellectual relationship.
Don’t Pressurize your Partner
Remember that if you pressure your partner to follow your intellectual pursuits, it may only make him or her balk at your efforts and even offend his or her sense of self-respect.
Instead, make options available to your partner and leave it up to him or her to choose. For instance, leave CDs of Mozart, Brahms, and Beethoven lying around, and when your partner is bored of rock and grunge, maybe he will try out your music.
Or let your partner know that you have discovered a great writer of love stories and show her some Jane Austen classics. If nothing else, it will intrigue her to know what kind of love stories they are.
Encourage your partner for self-growth
Take your partner to operas, museums, and art galleries, for broader exposure. Often, it is easier to learn something new through an audio-visual medium rather than through lectures and seminars.
Whatever outing you plan, just make sure to make it enjoyable. While driving to the venue, you could also briefly introduce your partner to the play or the paintings you are about to watch.
Enlarge your circle
Look among your former college mates, club mates, and co-workers for more chances of intellectual conversation. Meet up with them regularly, or join hobby societies like book clubs.
This way, you will have enough opportunities to follow your interests without dragging your partner into them. It is enough that your partner is your lover and companion and that you both have a good time when you are together.
Finally, there are no absolute rules regarding intellectual compatibility in a relationship. Your feelings are your best guide. If you perpetually find something missing in your personal life and yearn for different companies, consider expanding your social circle.
But if you feel happy and fulfilled around your partner, despite having different personalities, remember nothing else matters.
Bottom Line
A good intellectual relationship is the secret to a successful relationship. If you can find an acceptable physical mate, your intellectual compatibility is your key barometer for determining whether it’s good long-term.
And not just “do you like watching the same shows” type shit. It’s what happens in between that is more important, how you talk about simple things, how you respect each other’s strengths. And most importantly – you have to be interested in each other’s hobbies or mental outlook.
You have to find someone who is truly very close to your wavelength for at least 75% of the things you think about. Not identical – but compatible enough for a life-long relationship.
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