Well, before you read this article, first don’t think or feel I’m being judgemental. It’s not bad to fall in love or go for what you want.
Most times we fall in love with people who are not meant for us, but it is expedient we do the right thing and not allow our feelings to take the better side of us.
If you do find yourself in a situation where you’re in love with a married man, it’s important to know what you’re signing up for and the truth about what lies ahead of you if this relationship continues. I tell you, dating a married man is like devouring hot chocolate fudge.
Apart from being wrong, you will be called ‘the second woman’ which I believe will cause a whole lot of discomfort because no woman will always like to be addressed like that.
This article provides you with a full guide on what to do if you find your crushing on a married man.
Table of contents
Here is the real truth, although it’s bitter
Don’t think he will leave the wife for you because he won’t.
A man once he is married and just wants to cheat, can tell you all manner of sweet words just to make you feel comfortable once he is with you.
I’m no longer interested in that woman. She is a mistake that I made. She disgusts me a lot. He’s going to leave. But odds are, it’s not true.
To make you think that he’s real, he’s even going to tell you she’s awful. He’ll tell you the marriage is falling apart, that it’s beyond saving.
He’ll try to make you believe that nothing you do could be wrong. She deserves it, she should expect it and it’s no big deal.
And no matter how bad things are or how she might be acting, she is his wife. You have no right to intrude on that. Marriage is complicated. It’s never easy or perfect, but it’s the couple’s responsibility to keep their vows and work through their issues.
This might be because of the financial implications related to divorce, his religious beliefs, his desire to maintain his family-man image, or because he still actually cares for his wife—even though he might protest against this.
So it doesn’t matter how many times he says he’s going to leave—you need to know that it’s just words. Actions speak far louder.
He Won’t Stop Cheating
Now come to think of it, even if he leaves the wife just to be with you forever, Do you think that he won’t cheat on you too? Cheaters are always going to cheat. Peradventure, he didn’t tell you about his marriage when you started seeing him and you had to find out the truth yourself, How can you ever trust him?
Believe me, If he cheats with you, he will likely cheat on you. So does it even matter if he leaves his wife for you? Can you ever trust him?
He might only be interested in Your Body, Not Your Personality
95% of married men who cheat on their wives today cheat for sex. A woman can cheat when she is in a quest for emotional connection, care, and affection, but men cheat just for sex.
Once they are satisfied they don’t remember promising you the whole universe. However, there is every tendency that you are just his sex toy. He will start losing interest in you once you stop satisfying his sexual urges.
Don’t have him in your life Plan
You must maintain a solid group of friends outside of this relationship. Don’t drop plans to be with him when he calls, and keep on dating to keep your self-esteem and confidence up.
The future of this relationship is rocky and uncertain, so having a great life outside of this is going to be healthy and soothing for you during the highs and the lows.
Pay attention to how he talks about his wife.
Is he respectful when speaking about her and honest about why he no longer wants to be with her? If so, then it’s a sign he respects women and is probably being honest with you.
But if he places all the blame on her and speaks disrespectfully about her, it might be a sign that he doesn’t value women, and he’s also unable to be honest with himself.
Imagine if you were in his wife’s shoes someday—would you like to be spoken about in that way?
Create a schedule for the two of you
Make a calendar that works for both of you. To make your dating successful, you must stick by these rules without any exceptions. If he can give you only Wednesdays and Thursdays, that’s what you will get.
Don’t ask for more. And if he doesn’t show up on the scheduled days, don’t get mad. After all, he is married, and you know that too.
Don’t ask to be introduced to his friends or family
Yes, you are dating him, and it is the most beautiful thing that has happened to you but always remember that you are always going to be a secret.
He cannot introduce you to his friends or family because he is already married. Don’t put pressure on him to do that either. Showing off might blow your chances of making the most of this relationship.
He Is Not a Happy Man, and You Can’t Fix That
Although your time together may be blissful, and although you two may be having the greatest, most intense, and most satisfying sex of your lives, on a fundamental level, the married man you are involved with is deeply unhappy.
Although you make each other laugh, and though you both make each other feel wonderfully attractive and full of life, perhaps there’s still something fundamentally broken.
Consider that you’re taking on the burden of a relationship with someone unhappy. That comes with a cost. The effects of that deep, even subconscious, unhappiness will catch up with you sometimes. Though that may not be a deal-breaker for you, it will nevertheless drain some of the life out of your new relationship as your married partner struggles with his unresolved issues.
It’s vital to understand that your married partner’s unhappiness comes from within him, as do all of his other emotions. You didn’t cause his unhappiness, and you can neither cure it nor control it.
Too often people start relationships with a partner who has some unresolved emotional problems without considering the consequences.
Everybody has some ordinary emotional problems, but a married man cheating on his wife is sure to have some more serious ones.
If you take him on while he’s still married, you will be taking on the weight of those problems, too.
Now Finally……
You are happy but is it right?
This is a question you must be truthful to yourself about. Happiness is not all that you should consider. Even though you are happy, Is this what you want from your life? Are you doing the right thing?
Once you figure out the kind of life you want, you’ll be able to figure out the kind of man you want.
You can then see if the man you’re currently with measures up when it comes to his morals and character. If he does, great. If he doesn’t, you know what to do.
You break off the relationship if you know you need to move on.
I know this might be very difficult for you to do because you have to fall deeply in love with someone. It’s painful to leave someone you love, but it may be the best option for you. It may be best for you to break things off with him. Tell him that you love him but that you can’t be with someone who isn’t fully committed to you.
- Say, “I love you so much, and I wish things were different. But I know that you’re always going to pick your family, so it’s time for me to move on.”
What If He Already Made His Mind To Divorce His Wife Before Seeing You?
Here is another scenario. The man you are dating is about to get divorced already, and you are not the reason for it (Thank God). Want a good piece of advice? You must wait until the ink on those divorce papers is dry before getting serious with him. He may say he has dealt with the feelings, but divorce isn’t that simple.
Ask older people who have been divorced, and you will hear a lot of sad stories. He may not want to get back to his wife, but he is not emotionally stable enough to start another relationship. He may be just casually dating to get over what’s happened.
If the man says he is not ready for a relationship, you should trust him. He may be hurt or broken, and no, you can’t waste your time saving him. He needs some alone time to pick himself up.
Give him all the time he needs to clear his head before dating him again. Otherwise, you will only be a substitute for the wife of this man and he will be dating you to get over her.
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