Is your life shattered? Have you lost all hopes? or do you think you’ve failed in life because your perfect marriage just came to an end?
Perhaps you have sourced counsel from friends, relatives, and even relationship counselors, yet the only advice you get which is ” Do what you’re supposed to do, everything will be fine again” doesn’t seem to get the problem solved.
As a result of that, you feel more terrible and emotionally handicapped.
There is good news, however.
No matter how worst marriages can be, they can be fixed although there will be complications. The complications only come when only one partner wants to get it fixed. When the two partners are involved, it’s easier.
In this artlcle, based on some experts advice I will be walking you through the steps or tips that will help fix your broken marriage. But before that, an understanding of what might have caused the broken marriage will help guide you.
The table of contents below will help you navaigate through the article.
Why Broken Marriages?
According to American Psychological Association, about 40 to 50 percent of married couples in the United States alone divorce.
This shows that there is more to broken homes than just what we think.
So, the first way to make a difference is to find the ‘WHY’
Why did the marriage crash? What went wrong? Was it from your end or your partner’s end? This is the probably the first question you should find answer to.
The understanding of why your marriage crashed goes a long way in getting the solution.
Basically, there are many ways marriages fall apart. It might have been because of the following reasons:
- Lack of Individual Identity
Did you cheat on him or did he cheat on you?
Nowadays, one of the main reasons for some broken marriages is cheating. Cheating breaks your trust and relationship so much that it cannot be fixed again.
Most people want to stay positive when it comes to their marriage but once there is a cheating husband/wife, they tend to break up.
#2. Lack of individual identity.
A co-dependent relationship is not beneficial. When you don’t have your own interests or the opportunity to express yourself outside of couple is bad.
If you are not comfortable doing things without your partner, or you don’t know what kind of music, movies, or food you used to like, you are likely in deep and you probably feel like you are drowning and don’t know why.
#3. No mutual understanding
Was there mutual understanding at first? Most couples lack mutual understanding and this has been a common problem in some marriages, they fail to find happiness in their marriage and plan to get separated.
#4. Inability to resolve conflicts.
Disagreement is inevitable in marriage, the way forward is to develop ground rules so that each partner feels respected and heard.
Sometimes it takes a third party to assist define those rules and teach us to move through the charged emotions so resentments don’t linger.
#5. Young age
Marriage at a very tender age is one of the causes of a broken marriage, those who marry in their teens have much higher divorce rates.
Those who delay marriage until their 20s are probably more mature and able to make better marriage decisions and handle the challenges of married life better than those who marry in their teens.
#6. Loss of sexual feelings
Sex is great, but you also need to supplement it with little hello and goodbye kisses, impromptu hugs and simply holding hands.
Couples who don’t maintain an intimate connection through both sexual and non-sexual actions are destined to become virtual strangers.
#7. The intimacy disappears.
Somewhere in a marriage couples tend to lose their intimacy, whoever is the one with the subtle change can trigger a downward spiral in the intimacy department.
Men generally need sexual receptivity to feel romantic and women generally need romance to be sexual receptive.
As long as both people are getting what they need, they willingly provide what the other person wants.
However, when there is a lessening on either’s part that can trigger a pulling back in the other.
If gone unnoticed and unchecked, before the couple realizes, they are seriously intimately estranged and wonder what happened.
This can lead to divorce as couples begin to feel unloved and unappreciated.
#8. Different Mentality
Nowadays being married and the problems that come from it is due to different ways people view things or reason.
Both of the partners have different opinions and can’t compromise with each other which results in separation. Sometimes, their compatibility level is zero.
#9. Poor Communication
Communication is the key to every marriage and knowing how to relate to your partner to express how you feel is necessary.
Both couples need to have empathy for each other and when it is lacking there is every tendency to have a broken home.
Any of the reasons explained above might have led to the situation you’re right now.
#10. Misaligned Goals and Personal Beliefs
Some differences are reconcilable while others are simply set in stone.
Couples finding themselves disagreeing on seemingly trivial things often don’t realize that the disagreement stems from very personal belief systems.
If your partner believes in independence in marriage while you value complete codependence, this kind of incompatibility will manifest in certain aspects of your marriage precisely because you or your partner is acting out of your strongest personal beliefs.
One party might think arguments about going on regular dinners and mindfully spending time together are necessary for a marriage, while the other might feel like they are impositions.
Some misalignments are simply irreconcilable, or at least, take a lot of empathy and mindfulness to work through.
10 WAYS YOU CAN FIX OR FACE A BROKEN MARRIAGE
Yes, getting married is just like starting a career, or entering a university degree program. It’s somewhat easy to start, but it is almost a guarantee to be a challenge to stay with for the long term if neglected.
And the worst thing that happens is to stop trying. Marriage isn’t easy. Building or growing a strong marriage takes time, effort, and maturity. But it’s worth it.
So, if your marriage feels broken, don’t panic, it’s possible to amend most wounds and the skills to bring the love back.
According to some Relationship Experts, following the tips below can help you fix or face a broken marriage or relationship again.
#1. Think before you Speak
Couples tend to develop hot button issues that cause frequent arguments.
You can reduce bickering by waiting before responding to something that has made you angry. Count to ten.
It may be better to discuss difficult issues once emotions are not so high.
#2. Forgiveness is The Key
Another way you can face a broken marriage is by forgiving. If the problems in your marriage are caused by a mistake, then you should look for forgiveness.
Apologizing doesn’t necessarily mean you are wrong, apology actually does more for the person apologizing than it does for the person they are apologizing to.
An apology may help you to feel as though your partner has forgiven you, but have you forgiven yourself?
Look for ways to find forgiveness, both from your partner and from yourself, after a serious mistake has been made.
Marriage is very long, and bad things are bound to happen. People are bound to make mistakes and treat others poorly at times.
You must be able to forgive your spouse for the wrongs done to you and move on, you never can tell, you might be the next.
#3. Take Responsibility for your own actions
You can also face a broken marriage by taking responsibility for your actions. Always own up for your actions, express your feelings to your spouse and tell them how you feel about their actions towards you, and try to change your behavior for good.
#4. Changing Yourself, Not Your Mate
The change should not be one-sided, some couples always say “But if he would just change…then I’d feel so much more loved,” “If she would change… then I’d be happy”.
I believe there are few things more harmful to a relationship than pressuring your spouse to change.
This kind of thinking just doesn’t work, for two reasons: First, because you can’t change someone else. You can only change yourself.
Secondly, trying to change your spouse will create tension in your relationship and actually discourage him or her from changing.
And besides, even if your spouse did change, he or she wouldn’t feel very good about the relationship until you made some changes yourself.
#5. Understand Wants and Needs
Understanding your wants and needs can help you fix or face a broken marriage. Wants and needs are interwoven, you may want adventure, but you may need security. You may want a higher financial status, but what you really need is respect from friends and family.
Know your desires and figure out which ones are really needed and which are wants. Wants can have a deeper core issue that may cause friction in your marriage.
They can deeply affect your relationship with your spouse because marriage is a partnership that includes shared goals, hopes, and dreams.
#6. Give your spouse a treat occasionally.
If there’s something your spouse likes, offer it without being asked sometimes, even if you don’t care for it.
It can be a small thing: a date to the movies, a ride to a place your spouse likes to go, or maybe a favorite food from the grocery store
#7. Learn to be Intimate Again
Intimacy is what spices any relationship or marriage. You can fix or face a broken marriage by learning to be intimate again.
After a few years of marriage, your sex life might have reduced which is caused by having kids, health issues, side effects of medications, stress, etc.
It takes commitment and hard work to end sexual dry spells, you have to start by restoring physical contact, going on vacations, and other social activities.
Book a hotel and spend a week there by yourself, always think of ways to be intimate with your spouse, these will help you fix your marriage.
#8. Don’t give up
Any married person will tell you that marriages wax and wane. There are good times, bad times, and so-so times.
A marriage is viable if the good outweighs the bad, even by a little bit.
The more you appreciate the good and try to let the bad roll-off, the easier it will get, and the more fondness and connection you will feel towards your spouse.
#9. Don’t think the grass is always greener on the other side.
Most people who leave their marriages for someone else find the same problems in the new relationship, and many regret not having worked things out in their first marriage. No marriage is perfect so make your own work.
#10. Spend Time with your spouse
Your marriage can’t be fixed if you don’t spend quality time with your partner, you need to go for a discovering session when the need arises and make sure you people spend time together.
Start working towards rebuilding your marriage and try the listed steps above ,try to work on your communication with your partner if you want to make your marriage work again, remember it is never late to change.