10 ways to avoid being desperate for love

how to avoid been desperate in relationship
how to avoid been desperate in relationship

Yea, I know it’s not abnormal to be desperate or crave for. But to be honest, been too desperate to keep a relationship can destroy it entirely especially when you make it to obvious. It makes you look Thirsty, clingy, needy, attention-seeking, which most partners don’t like.

Okay, I agree that most times you do it unintentionally, without knowing that you are making it too obvious. Sometimes ago, a guy was attracted to me. At first, I tried playing hard to get although I have been crushing on him before them.

Because I liked him, I made it so easy by been the one calling and texting even when he has not to make his intentions known properly. I was so desperate that I made it so obvious that he had to turn me off all of a sudden.

What happen…?

He simply lost interest….. Most at times, when we seem desperate to get in a relationship, it reduces we value. The next person will assume that for you to be eager to be with him or her means that you have less to offer and that you need him or her more than he needs you. Now, if even he was craving for you, his feelings start depreciating.

For instance, for guys, when a lady seems desperate to be theirs, it sometimes turns them off and its undercuts all the amazing things about the lady that they won’t get to see because they’ll already have written you off.

Hence, You mean to say “ well, that is the best way of coming out clean”.

Come off it….! You are making a big mistake dear.

And the harder you try to project that persona, the worse it actually makes you look.

Now, what’s the way forward?

The best way forward is not to be or ever seem desperate when you are in love or are in a relationship with someone if you really want to build a lasting relationship.

But before I will tell you HOW, but before then, I think it will be cool if I first tell you some things or attitudes that you put up sometimes that really make you seem desperate without you being aware.

Quickly scroll through the table of content to get an overview of what to expect.

Things that Seems Desperate

Frequent Calls and Double Texting

Although communication either phone calls, texting is the most important ingredient for spicing a relationship and It forms the major part of it, frequent calls and double texting is a sign of separation.

When someone misses your calls twice and you are still calling instead of waiting for your call to be returned or texting the person again when you have not gotten a reply for the previous ones you sent.

Taking Blames for the person’s mistakes

I know your relationships, one has to compromise, but you seem desperate and more in need of the relationship when you take blame your partner’s mistake especially when your partner made the mistake on purpose just to get at you.

Sometimes, the do that because they are tired of what you guys are doing. So don’t give him a reason to think that he is not making a mistake by acting desperate.

Accusing the person of Double Dating

This mistake is common among us ladies. Accusing a guy of double dating looks weird especially if it’s just your first or second-time dates with him. Even if he is seeing other women, making a comment or talking to him about it is off. It shouldn’t be your business.

You like desperate when you say things like;

I know you have any eye on that lady that is your next-door neighour, and there is every possibility that you are fucking her

What, that sucks!  You’re too better than that!

I understand that you might really like this guy, that’s cool, but what he’s doing when he isn’t with you isn’t your business — at least not yet. Don’t be that girl that seems clingy, sad and desperate.

Spending Extravagantly on your partner

Hey Hey!! Don’t get it all twisted here..!

Am not saying that its wrong to spend on someone you love or care. But lavishing the person with gifts and too much money will look like you are trying to buy the person affection especially if you guys just met.

However, it’s normal to want to show your affection for the people you care about by gifting them things they would like or that would make their lives easier.  You shouldn’t be getting him or her anything, at least not at first, unless it’s a pressing need or it’s his or her birthday or Christmas.

Let’s view it from a woman’s perspective

Showering a woman with gifts before you’ve gotten to know her can never buy her affections. Maybe you think showing her what you can offer will give you a better chance…but all you do is set yourself up as a guy who needs to compensate to get women.

she’ll only be attracted to your financials, not your personality.

More so, most ladies also feel pressured or manipulated by a guy who buys them things. They feel like it’s a tactic to have them indebted to a man — which is often true.

You alone are more than enough to build a romantic connection with someone you love. Although you might feel like its something you do for everyone that matters to you, it seems like you’re desperate or trying to buy affection.

Are you still in love with your Ex and you are asking Can I Win My Ex Back Again? Read this to know how.

Surprising the person anywhere Literally

If it’s a new relationship, PLEASE do not just show up anywhere because he mentioned to you that he’d be there.

When you guys are new or not even really together, this makes you seem like a stage 5 crazy and then you’ll be back at zero because he’ll run like he’s being chased by something vicious that wants to eat him alive.

Seriously,  If you weren’t specifically invited, save the surprises until you’re official.

Being at the person bak and call

Another way of seeming desperate is when you are always being available when the person wants. This can make the person think that he or she is all that matters to you.

I am not saying it’s not right to give attention to someone you love, but being there all the time that really makes the person get used to seeing you around and I tell you, it can be trying or stalking. Even if you are less busy, engage yourself with other better things

That makes it seem like your life already revolves around him — or at the very least like you don’t have much going on in your life besides him.

It’s better to ask what night he had in mind and maybe to mention that you have other things to do earlier in the week so he knows he has to fit into your schedule and not that he’s the only thing on it.

The Good news is that I’ve got some tips on how to seem interested but not desperate

How to not seem Desperate

Even if you are in love with the person, there is ways on how to seem interested but not desperate. I advise you don’t explore this with more by just reading, ensure you practice them if you have not because this is your sure way of having the ball on your court in a relationship.

#1. Comfortable Being Alone

Yea, I understand that being in love triggers that feeling of wanting to be around that person 24/7. It feels like when you have finally gotten that treasure you have been dying for, you just can’t let it go to avoid been stolen by another.

Trying to be comfortably alone sometimes makes it look like you are trying to stalk or clingy to the person. People make not comfortable with that especially if the person in question is a more independent fellow.

Space is crucial and you need to be respectful of it and get comfortable being independent yourself.

Make yourself busy with things that excite you! Or take up a new hobby or sport. Try taking an art, academic or athletic class that fills your time.

Be busy and interesting. It will make you seem more attractive and that you are living your life for yourself and not waiting around for someone else. This way you offer her companionship, not a rescue mission.

#2. In public, never approach him first

When you see a guy you like out in public, at a bar or party, for example, we’re often not sure what the best course of action is to get their attention.

First off, the worst thing you can do is straight-up ignore him because although it may seem like a reverse-psychology way to get their attention, it will definitely come across as manipulative and desperate.

Not to mention – if you actually know the person – it’s not very polite. It all relates back to point number one. You first. Enjoy your night for yourself.

If you see him out in public, be friendly – of course, wave and send out a flirty smile. That way, when he will eventually come your way to say “hi”, then the idea is implanted in his head that he made the effort to come see you, and not the other way around. That will reinforce the idea that he’s into you. And before you know it, he will be.

#3. Be Independent

Although in life, we need people to help us hold the ladder as we climb, and one of the reasons for relationships is to get help because we can’t live alone in this world, but I tell you the place of Being independent matters.

It means that you rely on yourself and your judgment above anyone else. Because at the end of the day, you are the most reliable person you know.

Additionally, it means knowing when you need to ask for help, and not being afraid to. When a person sees that you don’t actually need him or her to get something done, that you trust yourself without the influence of others, he will be all over you like white on rice.

The person won’t need a seer to tell him or her that you are an asset that shouldn’t be let go. There is nothing more attractive than someone who has full trust and confidence in themselves.

#4. Maintain your Beliefs

Sticking to your opinions and principle makes you not to despair. Try Making decisions only based on what you want, and not out of fear of what other people will think of you. Live for yourself. Screw what others think.

Am not saying that you have to step on other’s toes and act without minding if you are hurting others or not, all I am saying is that you should not feel pressured to act, be, or look a certain way to get someone’s approval or attention.  but learn to live by your own rules.

One mistake people have always made that helps in shattering their relationship is trying to fake interest just to please someone. For instance, As a lady, you met a friend that always want you to do a sex chat with him as proof of your love for him. Am not saying you shouldn’t if you are cool with that, but doing that because he says

You are my girl and since we have had sex, let’s just sex chat. I prefer doing it with you and since you are around me now, show me your pussy and burst, I want to feel you from here, UNLESS you want me to cheat”.

Frankly speaking, you don’t do that if your belief is against that. To start with, sex chatting with your girl or guy won’t stop the person from cheating on you no matter how you make him or her groan.

 Maybe you will gain their attention, but it won’t be to the real version of yourself. It will be for a version you made up to attract him, and how long you think you can keep that act up? I tell you, if you are true to yourself, guys who like you for you will take notice, and they will always make their feelings clear to you.

#5. Never show up at the person’s  work or home unannounced

Yes, it’s charming in the movies, but in real life, it’s mostly terrifying. And really creepy. A lot of guys do this to force a woman to have an interaction with them. You then put her in a position where she has to talk to you even if it’s not convenient.

Women take their jobs seriously, too, and they don’t want their managers to see them fraternizing on company time. You’re just going to make her uncomfortable or pissed off. If you can’t get a woman to respond or accept seeing you with a simple, “Hey, I’ll swing by your place today and say hi.” then you shouldn’t show up.

#6. Have Self-confidence

Having or building confidence is another way of showing that you are desperate. Now, that doesn’t mean going around bragging about how good you are, your job or wealth. Being confident of yourself can bring you the quality of the opposite sex your way instead of sending them away.

This is because the essence of true confidence is not linked to something external, it’s actually all in how you feel about yourself, regardless of reality.

Now, you may ask…

“How do I build confidence when I don’t have that perfect job, wealth or good looking?

Let me shock you a bit!

You don’t even have to have the coolest job, perfect body or sleekest apartment to be confident. Things don’t make you confident. It’s how you feel about those things that translate into real confidence. That comfort in yourself will radiate outwards and be a super magnet to guys around you.

#7. Spend Time With Your Friends

To avoid coming across as desperate, don’t ditch your friends last minute to hang out with your crush. Would you want your friends doing this for you? Probably not.

When you ditch your friends for your crush, you also lower your standards with how you want to be treated, and how you treat other people.

Your friends are the ones that are there for you through good times and bad, so don’t neglect them. Include them or make time for them. But certainly, don’t ditch them just to hang out with your crush.

#8. Learn To Let Go

If your happiness is dependent on someone else’s actions, then I’m afraid that you are considered to be desperate. Don’t cling to someone who makes you feel worthless

Ask yourself if that is really the type of person you want to be around. And if so, prepare to be mistreated. Know when enough is enough and when to move on.

You can talk to one of the prominent Relationship coaches Amie Leadingham who was named one of LA’s best dating coaches for 2014 by DatingAdvice.com. 

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