Having a positive answer to a question like ‘How Can I Save a Marriage Without Trust?’ sounds like a mere fallacy because it is one virtue in a marriage that once lost can bring a broken marriage.
Many people fall in love and believe that love will overcome all and take you as the year progresses. While love would be the main thing in a relationship, we should not fail to remember that the other things required to make a relationship successful, are trust and respect.
When you consider the future, how can any relationship thrive without any of these things? I mean consider everything, how long can any marriage thrive without trust or respect.
If you are reading this article, chances are that you are working at improving your marriage, and I applaud you for that because a lot of people feel that it all ends after they have a partner, whereas that is where it begins because working on your marriage ought to be a long-lasting responsibility.
People ought to try constantly, your marriage is the absolute most significant part of your life, and yes it can be enjoyed.
What is Respect?
According to Vocabulary.com, Respect is a way of treating or thinking about something or someone
Many a time, i wonder why people stop or never treat their partner with ultimate respect. People often respect strangers but they fail to respect their life partner.
I’m certain it wouldn’t take anything out of you to show some basic courtesy with your spouse. Let’s be honest; a few people don’t greet their spouses.
They don’t say “thank you”, and they don’t open the doors or pull out a seat during dinner, however, they do it for colleagues at work or even strangers.
Oftentimes, while having conflicts some couples use unkind and impolite words, words that they can never use on other people in public places but I wonder why they use it on their spouses.
What is Trust?
One of the most vital things in a relationship is trust. Without trust, your relationship is powerless and will require a lot of work. When trust is lost, it is usually difficult to rebuild it.
Trust might be lost through various ways, and over the long run, one method of losing someone’s trust is through frequent telling of lies, I mean you cannot confide in a person who lies again and again.
Another cause of lack of trust in marriage is infidelity. Many a times, trust that was lost through infidelity cannot be rebuilt. method of breaking trust can’t be fixed.
If your marriage/relationship is built on trust, it is better you don’t lose it because respect could be gained, communication could be made better, however, trust must be earned. Trust is difficult to rebuild after it is broken especially when a spouse betrays your trust.
Causes of Lack of Trust in Marriages
Trust plays a major role in a long-lasting or healthy marriage. And when lost due to some certain things which I will be discussing with you shortly can destroy everything.
In fact, when lost in a marriage, the worst is always expected to happen. And aside from that, it brings stress and unhappy disrespectful behaviors in marriage.
That being said, let’s take a look at some things that can cause mistrust in marriages. Below are some things that brings lack of trust:
The hurts from your past are holding you back
The hurts from your past relationships could deprive you from developing a healthy and trustworthy marriage thereby hurting your spouse.
We should not let our past hurts speak about our present relationship. This is a major cause of lack of trust in marriage.
Not Setting Priorities Right
Not Setting Priorities right can be a major cause of lack of trust in marriages. The daily behavior of a spouse can have an excellent effect on how we feel in our marriage.
A shift in priorities is one of the foremost common reasons for a slow breakdown of trust. for instance, a spouse who not shows an interest in physical intimacy with their spouse puts their marriage in peril.
Naturally, intimacy spice up trust, deepen emotional intimacy, improve verbal displays of affection, and reduce stress. Going without these important elements of a healthy relationship can send your marriage snowballing into disaster.
Someone who doesn’t make time for quality time, intimate or otherwise, with a spouse is showing that they did not value their partner. this will destroy trust and ruin a wedding.
Your tendency to trust is low
Here’s another cause of lack of trust in marriage. Your tendency to trust is determined by many factors including your personality, experiences, and beliefs.
Your experiences could affect your perception of trust. For instance, if you are the type that feels trust should be earned, you will always hold back trust from others until you’re sure they deserve it.
If your tendency to trust is low, it will deprive you of enjoying your marriage.
Not been Honest
Show me a relationship that is built on lies and I will show you a relationship that will never last. This is how important honest is to a relationship. In fact a honest communication is the idea of a healthy relationship.
Communication is how partners get to understand one another on a deeper level, how they connect emotionally, and the way they build trust. No marriage can succeed when communication is lacking and lies are present.
Even small lies can block emotional intimacy between partners. Lying to a spouse about little things can pave the way for lying about more important things within the future.
And the worst of it all is that to rebuild trust in a marriage that was broken because of lies is as difficult as forcing a camel to go through the eye of a needle.
How Can I Save a Relationship Without Trust?
To be candid it impossible to save a relationship without trust. To start with, trust in a relationship is experienced when you feel this sense of security with someone.
Unfaithfulness, lies, or broken promises can seriously harm the trust between a couple. That, nonetheless, doesn’t really imply that a marriage can’t be rescued.
Building trust can be demanding especially when there is a huge break, however, it is feasible if both spouses are focused on the process.
There are activities to rebuild trust in a relationship. In order to rebuild trust in your marriage, these activities have to be followed.
1. Putting the Pieces Together
This is one of the activities to rebuild trust in a relationship. When a spouse breaks your trust, it requires some time and energy to restore the feeling of security you need for your marriage to flourish and keep growing.
Recovery from the distress brought about by a break in trust is where a lot of couples who want to rebuild trust often get stuck.
The offending partner ought to be open and sincere with information, as well as answering all questions coming from their spouse with clarity.
With this, the betrayed partner will have a comprehensive understanding of the whole situation. What occurred, when, and where? What may have added to the present situation and the alleviating conditions? These are a few questions to ask in order to rebuild trust in a relationship.
2. Letting go of the anger
Indeed, even the smallest breaks of trust can prompt mental, physical, and emotional health issues. Affected spouses may experience difficulty in sleeping or decreased appetite.
They may get angry over little things. It is important that you make your spouse aware of every single way you feel.
The offending spouse is also urged to communicate any resentment and hatred they may have been holding back.
3. Being dedicated
The betrayed partner might begin to doubt the offending partner’s dedication to their relationship and wondering if the relationship is actually right for them or if it will still work between them.
Showing of compassion—sharing agony, disappointment, and bitterness; showing self-reproach and lament; and giving room for the affirmation and approval of hurtful feelings—is part of the healing process to both couples.
Building off of this, defining what each partner need from the relationship can assist in giving spouses the understanding that continuing the relationship comes with clear assumptions that every person, in moving forward, has agreed to satisfy.
Both partners should work to define what is needed to remain dedicated on making the relationship/marriage work.
In achieving this, try not to use words that can trigger dispute (for instance, must, never) in explaining what you see, expect, or need from your spouse. Rather, pick words that facilitate open discussion and use non-accusing “I” statements.
4. Learn to Forgive
Learn to forgive no matter how hurt you are is one of the major ways to rebuild trust in marriages. Not only will you like to forgive your partner, but you furthermore may have to forgive yourself.
Forgiving doesn’t mean that you’re OK with what happened, it’s just a way of moving forward and helping yourself live happily. And it also shows that you value the relationship.
5. Rebuilding Trust
You both should define specific objectives and realistic goals for getting back your marriage the way it used to be. Understand that rebuilding trust in your marriage requires a lot of time and requires the following as well:
Choose to be forgiven or to forgive. Decide to love by letting go of the past. While accomplishing this objective completely may take some time, dedicating your time to it is the main focus.
Be open to self-development and improvement. You can’t rebuild a broken trust with only promises and assurance of forgiveness. The basic causes for the betrayal should be recognized, looked into and worked on by both couples for the issues to remain passive.
Know about your deepest feelings and share your thoughts about it. Leaving one person to keep worrying about the situation or activity that broke the trust won’t resolve anything.
However, it is essential to openly talk about all details examine the subtleties and express all emotions including hurt and anger.
If you want it to work, then telling lies is no more an option for you. Speak the truth in whatever you do and be transparent in all you do. That way you’ll rebuild trust in your relationship.
As soon as the aforementioned point have been taken note of and worked on by both spouses, talk regularly and openly about your objectives and constantly keep check of your set goals to ensure you’re both on track all the time.
QUESTIONS TO REBUILD TRUST IN A RELATIONSHIP
One way to build a healthy and long lasting relationship and to rebuild trust as well in a relationship is by communicating through asking questions.
The questions will probably build trust or emphasize on deeper issues. The following questions will help you and your spouse to be very open to each other and understand yourselves better.
- What do you find hard to discuss with me?
- Tell me what you think about our relationship?
- What achievements are you most proud of?
- Are you close to your family?
- What’s the worst memory of you?
- If you had just 4 weeks to live, what would you do?
- What’s your idea of a perfect day?
- What did you cry about lately?
- If there’s one thing you would change about yourself, what is it?
- What 3 things are you most thankful for right now?
Before I wrap it up, let’s see some of the marriage without trust quotes that you might not be familiar with.
Marriage Without Trust Quotes
Below are some of the marriage without trust quotes:
A relationship without trust is like two people trying to trick the other one into believing something is there that isn’t really there. No relationship of any kind can exist without trust.
Relationships are about trust. If you have to play detective, then it’s time to move on.
Honest feelings and bad timing make the most painful combination.
I don’t know how many times i’ve survived myself, without telling anyone else.
Secrecy is the enemy of intimacy. Every healthy relationship is built on a foundation of honesty and trust. -Dave Willis
Never lie to your partner, even if the truth might hurt them. Lying ruins trust.
It doesn’t matter if you were the betrayed or offended spouse, in order to rebuild trust in your relationship, you both have to renew your marriage vows and commitment to each other.
Staying in a marriage without trust and respect can be very challenging and traumatic as the marriage/relationship will be clouded with so many doubts and thoughts of infidelity.
Rebuilding a broken trust can also be challenging as well because it takes a lot of time and efforts. It is better not to breach trust at first than trying to rebuild it after breaching it.